Husbandism 2 – Contract Renewal Time

As I wrote in March, our wedding anniversary was March 28.  Guess who forgot?  Yes, none other than my husband, Richard.

richard at blue plate diner in salt lake city

Before we were married and over the years, he and I have joked about our “marital contract” – the one written on the back of our marriage certificate, artfully negotiated the night before our wedding.  The contract joke always came in handy, like when Richard stands in my way while I’m cooking, or when he forgets to turn off his closet light and close the door, or when he’s late to pick me up at the airport.  On those not so rare occasions, I would threaten to review the contract to make substantial and punitive changes.  Of course, he’s never had the opportunity to review those provisions that affect the wife’s parts of the contract, because I’m perfect in every way!

So, the day before our 15th Wedding Anniversary, my beloved called me on the way home from work.  He was in a great mood and said he wanted to take me out to a “big dinner” the next evening.  Sure, that would be great!  Thinking all the time that he remembered our wedding day and was planning something special.  Well, he was in such a good mood, that when he came home pre-anniversary evening, Richard announced that he wanted to take me out for a light dinner and we could still go out the next night.  Sure, that would be great!  So, we went out to one of our favorite places, Pug Mahon’s – an Irish pub in downtown Billings.  On the way home, my love announced that we probably would not be going out for dinner the next night – I guess our light dinner wasn’t so light afterall.  Or, OK – maybe this was a little joke and he really is planning something special!!  My heart leaped!  How exciting – dinner out two nights in a row!  What else was there in store??

Richard arrives home from work the next night, The Night of our Wedding Anniversary:

“Hi, honey!  Happy Anniversary!!”

“Uh oh, is that today?”

“Well, yes.  Why?  You didn’t forget did you?  How could you forget?  Reminders are all over our calendars.  I had three reminders pop up on my phone alone.  You didn’t check your phone all day?  Didn’t you look at my Facebook page?  Didn’t you take a look at my blog??  I guess we’re not going out for dinner either?”

“Eh, sorry dear . . . I remembered it Sunday.  Does that count?  Can I get you a glass of wine?”  (very nervous chuckle)

OK – we’ve been married for a while, and though it has not been all our adult lives, Richard and I understand each other better than some married couples we’ve both known over the years.  And maybe I forgot to mention that I was sabotaging him – or rather a test to wrestle in another perk for myself in the “contract.”   Richard does have a bad memory for dates and things, which is why he leaves reminders for himself, and in all fairness, he has never forgotten our anniversary or my birthday (another contractual faux pas).

I couldn’t believe my good fortune!  He fell into my trap!!  Oh boy, this is going to be good!!!

“That’s OK, honey.  And it’s an important anniversary, too – our . . . 15th.  Really, I’m not disappointed . . . (sniff, sniff, sniff).”  I’m milking this for all I can get!

But the look on his face – the one that let me know that he was truly sorry and disappointed, and hoped I wasn’t too angry and disappointed, as well.  Oh my.  OK – we’re having chicken wings for dinner, and yes, I’d like that glass of wine.

Love you, sweetheart.  Please be advised, the contract revisions are in your email.

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